It’s about lameness I felt when I’ve got work here. I thought I could go smoothly happy to have a job nowadays. And yet, probably it’s just a sweet dream of movie when I was so cheerfully become one of employee whom they had chosen. I took bad emotions, even when I got into this place where I earned a living for the first time. It would be very completely wretched I might say.
I didn’t know why do I have these feelings like upset, despondent, vacuous. People looked so nice on the outside but when I dug it out, it seems a big discrepancy towering between us, The Higher and The Lower. It’s substantial. I don’t want to discuss it in detail, but sometimes this matter had turned up when some occurrences happened.
Well, you could say it’s just my feelings said that, yet The Higher had always confirmed every time I’ve met. When they have lunch, they would choose not to sit at one table with us, or trying to get blended with or something to make more easier to have a chit-chat, although a little. A gap was a side effect of their personal group they could make. What I might say was, let it be, do your own business. I did not get involved with the turmoil. Every person has a problem which wouldn’t share with. Providing that not every day. But what about every time we meet ? Every month we had? Every moment we’d always faced it, every scene we watched.
But, once again, it’s hard to rule it out. Why? Because I met these sights everyday and I did not know what is the best formula to cope it with.
One side of my brain asked me to drive it out from my mind. Bad or hatred feeling could be undermining your soul. So, let it happen anyway. Sometimes I feel like so hollow because no one can be a good friend to share with our thoughts or feelings. I used to tell everything outspokenly to my all male friends back then. Now? I wouldn’t. You know why, I’ve got female friends a lot today. Sometimes I started thinking with the feeling of being aloofness. But, I know I couldn’t afford to. So, I guess I should back into my goal only, I come here to earn a living, period.